In case you’ve been attending an exclusive dogs-only party, ABC is hosting a weekly Bachelorette Fantasy League, where you can try to best your friends and neighbors each week by guessing what ridiculous phrases will come out of Whaboom’s mouth. The Fantazie Suite has a group you can join here, and every week we’ll be helping you make your choices.
Welcome to Week 3, Bachelor Nation! Last week saw a home economics relay race, a Kareem Abdul-Jabbar 180, and an unprecedented jump in our estimation of Ashton Kutcher after he flat out refused to participate in Whaboom’s BS. And over two hours, Rachel only sent home one of the 23 (23!) guys left. AND, we’re not even done with him yet, since DeMario came back to the mansion to reaffirm his #RightReasons bona fides. It’s almost too much to deal with. Let’s see what ABC has cooked up for us this week.
Real Bets Provided by ABC:
TRUE OR FALSE: Rachel gives DeMario a second chance and allows him to stay at the mansion.
Analysis: Did you see the look on Rachel’s face when “Mr. Harrison” told her DeMario was at the gate? There is no way in hell she is going to believe anything he has to say at this point. Add that to the fact that there will be a crowd of other dudes standing on the driveway, ready to puff out their chests and act real tough to make sure Rachel doesn’t doubt their sincerity… DeMario’s chances of talking his way back into the mansion look about as good as Kent Benson’s face after Kareem broke his hand punching it in 1977.
What was that about basketball showing character?
Bet: FALSE. DeMario will never be heard from again after the second commercial break this week.
Which of the following does Lucas “Whaboom” NOT say in this episode? ‘Let the big dog eat.’; ‘I think Blake should go home.’; ‘This is all I’ve got to give.’; ‘Lets make Whaboom babies.’
Analysis: Ugh, how many more weeks will we suffer under the reign of Whaboom? Since Blake is clearly on the show as a foil to him, we could definitely imagine him saying that Blake should go home. And he already teased us with his second catchphrase of “let the big dog eat” on the first night, so that’s an easy option.
Between the other two, “This is all I’ve got to give” seems too sincere, and “Let’s make Whaboom babies” a little too crazy. Between those two, which way do we think Whaboom will turn? Yeah, we know what we’re going with…
Bet: “This is all I’ve got to give.” Too normal to come out of Whaboom’s mouth.
Rachel takes a bachelor to which iconic street in Los Angeles on their one-on-one date? Sunset Blvd.; Hollywood Blvd.; Rodeo Drive; Mulholland Drive
Analysis: Mulholland has the prettier view (and a new season of Twin Peaks David Lynch tie in), but TV Guide already knows which way this is going:
So ABC is taking a page from “The Cowboy Way”, LA-edition. This seems like the date with Anthony that we saw in the “This season on” teaser.
Bet: Rodeo Drive.
TRUE OR FALSE: A bachelor will take a dip in a hot tub with Rachel in this episode.
Analysis: Like we said last week, Rachel has to be seen as virtuous. We’re going to bet on False until we see it happen.
Rachel’s bachelors wrestle for her attention in which messy substance? Mud; Jello; Whipped cream; Oatmeal
Analysis: Who wrestles in oatmeal? That just seems disgusting. Anyway, we have both TV Guide AND the official Bachelor Twitter feed to thank for this layup.
Which bachelor admits to peeing in the pool at the Bachelor mansion?
Analysis: This is a fun, and weird bet. Who might pee in the pool? Is it Lee, who seems determined to make a villain of himself?
Or maybe Whaboom, just making sure that he’s the worst contestant of all time (he’s already pretty high on our list).
Is it Fred, continuing his “bad kid at camp” persona?
Bet: We don’t have a clue. Maybe Jack Stone? He looks like a pool pee-er, we guess.
Fake, but Fun Bets:
On a scale from 1-10, how staged is the whole DeMario situation?
Analysis: This season started filming only four days after the live airing of After the Final Rose. So in less than a week, Rachel met DeMario, sat down with her fellow former contestants and was warned about DeMario, and took DeMario on this basketball date. DeMario’s ex Lexi was able to find out where they filmed that date and get a private audience with Rachel / get mic’d ups. In the span of maybe five minutes, DeMario’s story switched from “I’ve never seen this person,” to “I tried to wean her off,” to “Yes, we’ve had sex, but I totally mailed the keys to her apartment back to her.” And then, DeMario showed up the next night at the mansion. It’s good theater, but the producers’ hands are all over it.
Bet: 8. The only thing genuine was Rachel’s reaction. It’s a television show and it needs to be entertaining, but this seemed to really bother Rachel and for that, we find it all to be rather uncool.
TRUE or FALSE: Whaboom is worse than Blake.
Analysis: Every season, there’s one guy who becomes the #RightReasons Warrior. He goes out looking for which guy doesn’t have pure motives (which, they’re all on a reality show to put stamps in their passport, so come on), and then he confronts them again and again. And every year, the RRW ends up being more of a drag on the season than the obnoxious idiot he’s trying to call out. So we get to Blake and Whaboom.
Anyone with eyes or ears can tell that Whaboom is a clown who got on the show to up his Q-rating and promote his personal brand (More on why that bugs us here). Blake doesn’t need to shine a light on that, because it’ll only make Whaboom look (somewhat) sympathetic. The faster we lose both of these guys, the better.
Bet: Tossup for now, but experience says it’ll be the RRW.
TRUE or FALSE: Copper should be the next Bachelor.
Analysis: Oh Bachelor Nation, how amazing would a Dog Bachelor be? Not like this one, or like this one, but an actual Bachelor-style show, where Copper looks for his soulmate. There could be competitions based on how well the contestants share their toys. Instead of jumping out of an airplane, they’d have to face down the vacuum together. And just wait until some goldendoodle reveals that they’re only on the show to up her Instagram followers.
Bet: TRUE. Copper’s a good boy. Yes he is. He deserves this.
- Check out our #rightreasons t-shirt on Amazon HERE – Only 17.99 with free shipping!
- Check out how you did last week with our Week 2 recap here.
- Be sure to join us for live BachChat and to follow along on Facebook and Twitter!