In case you’ve been showering a woman you just met with insanely expensive gifts, ABC is starting up again with a weekly Bachelor Fantasy League. Join us here every week as we try to guess which Bachelorette’s life’s worst moment gets a promotional sponsor.
Hey Bachelor Nation! It’s week three, and that means we’ve reached maximum panic time for women like Bibiana, who haven’t been able to spend enough time with Arie for him to learn their first name. If the Bachelor Fantasy League’s questions this week are any indication, we’re in for some high drama at the mansion. And on top of that, we get a special guest star! Let’s see what TV Guide says about the episode:
As the charming race car driver intensifies his search for his soul mate among the 18 remaining women, Arie selects eight women to battle for supremacy in the wrestling arena with two top veterans of the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling (GLOW)—Ursula Hayden and Angelina Altishin—sharing their secrets of success in the ring. The undercard will feature a surprise guest, Kenny “Pretty Boy Pit Bull” King from Bachelorette Rachel’s season, who will take on the Bachelor himself.
And that doesn’t even include a one-on-one date OR the dog show group date! TV Guide is slacking.
Real Bets Provided by ABC:
What does GLOB stand for? Grand Ladies of The Bachelor; Glamorous Ladies of The Bachelor; Gorgeous Ladies of The Bachelor; Great Ladies of The Bachelor
Analysis: The 80s show was Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling, as is the Netflix series. Why would The Bachelor decide to start being original now? Let’s hope they don’t mention that acronym too much – GLOB is a gross word.
TRUE or FALSE: Arie gives out a rose during his one-on-one date.
Analysis: Last week’s one-on-ones with Becca and Kristal were the most down-the-middle Bachelor dates you could imagine. This week’s solo date should be more exciting, but we see that being more along the lines of “rappelling down the side of a building” exciting, not “Arie turning someone into a puddle of tears” exciting. That’s at least another week off.
Which actor from the film “Best in Show” joins Chris Harrison to commentate during the group date dog show? Fred Willard; Catherine O’Hara; Eugene Levy; Christopher Guest
Analysis: Even before the sneak peak video came out, we could have told you this was going to be Fred Willard. He was the commentator in the movie, so it only makes sense that he’d be showing up. It also just so happens that he’s Phil Dunphy’s dad on ABC’s hit show, Modern Family! How’s that for synergy?
Bet: Willard. Hey, how much do you think we could bench press?
Which former bachelor does Arie have to battle in the ring? Nick; Sean; Peter; Kenny
Analysis: KENNY PRETTY BOY PIT BULL KING, Y’ALL!!!!!
If only the winner of that match got to continue as the Bachelor for the rest of the season…
TRUE or FALSE: A bachelorette leaves the mansion during the cocktail party prior to the rose ceremony.
Analysis: This is the kind of week three drama we’re excited to see. Bibiana nearly said as much last week – when the field is still this crowded, you don’t get to spend enough time with Arie to even tell whether you like him, let alone give him a reason to like you MORE than the other seventeen women scratching and clawing for his attention. We’re excited for this.
Bet: TRUE. Especially if it comes along as part of the next bet…
Which bachelorette attempts to WOW Arie with a private cabana but ends up without a rose?
Analysis: The capital WOW in that question is because it’s part of the WOW moment of the week, as sponsored by Olay all season long. They’re a much better sponsor than Beauty and the Beast, if only because we’re not going to have to watch Josh Gad set up clips during commercials. But how heartbroken would you be if your time on the Bachelor ended when you 1)lured him into a private cabana set up by the producers, only for him to 2) not make out with you like he has with every other person who’s gotten within three feet of his mouth so far this season, and then 3)have your national TV low point advertised as the WOW moment of the week? Oof.
Anyway, this goes up every Tuesday as an Instagram story… and we missed it this week. We suck. We’ll get it next week, we swear.
Bet: No idea. Lauren S.?
Fake, but Fun Bets:
Why did Arie take Krystal to Scottsdale last week? A more interesting date fell through and the producers had to scramble, ABC had expiring private jet miles to use, Arie had to re-hang all of his black and white t-shirts, We needed a reminder of who Arie was.
Analysis: The last several Bachelors were guys we had just spent the previous Bachelorette and/or Bachelor in Paradise season getting to know. We had been to their hometowns and driven past the Pizza Huts they worked at, we knew that we loved how tall they were (Ben) or the shape of their abs (Nick). But Arie had been out of the game for five years, and some of us (including half of the Fantazie Suite) had no idea who the blue-eyed devil was. Which is why last week’s dates spent so much time focusing on Arie’s story and so little time focusing on Becca or, you know, doing something interesting with Krystal. What would you do if, on a first date, you met the guys’ parents (including a mom who looks a lot like you) and were made to watch home movies? If Krystal wasn’t so enamored with becoming a part of a family, any family, she’d have run into the Arizona desert screaming.
Bet: Arie who? Scottsdale is a bleak place.
TRUE or FALSE: Arie is secretly a well-articulated piece of Kendall’s taxidermy collection.
Analysis: They never can quite get the eyes right, can they?
- Catch up with our Week 2 recap HERE
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