Happy Fantasy Suites Week, Bachelor Nation! It’s our namesake week, so you know we’re excited to see Arie put the moves on three women that he has basically nothing in common with. ABC has been teasing a “most dramatic ever” ending so let’s dive in to see if it’s legit or just more Chris Harrison witchcraft.
Kendall Makes Three
Our first date of the week is with Kendall. Before she even gets out of the car to meet Arie, she lets us know that she’s not sure if she’s ready to get engaged. So, 30 seconds in, we’re squarely on the wrong foot.
The date starts with a dune buggy ride followed by some sand surfing. The couple has a picnic and again, Kendall tells us that she’s not ready to get engaged. I’m not sure if ABC is playing editing tricks with us or if she’s going to actually shoot him down, but either way we always respect the bachelors and bachelorettes who keep it real and don’t act like this is normal (we’re looking at you, Peter Kraus).
During the evening portion of the date, the couple is chatting over dinner and Arie tells Kendall that he loves her. Oh great, didn’t see that coming, Arie. With that, he presents Kendall with the date card from Chris Harrison inviting her to “forego her individual room to spend the evening together as a couple”. I’ve never really spent a lot of energy thinking about this but isn’t it a little creepy that this episode is essentially Chris Harrison asking each of the women to sleep with Arie?
Kendall agrees to spend the night and we’re treated with an on-the-nose shot of their shoes and a shirt crumbled up on the floor to let us know that they definitely did the dang thing. Arie tells us that they just talked all night which is 100% bullshit. I can tell you this because he made a joke asking Kendall if she felt good emotionally…and physically. Ew, Arie. Ew.
Lauren Makes Geoglyphs Boring
This date should be a once in a lifetime experience, as they take an airplane to view the geoglyphs in Peru. What happens is they sit in near silence with the only exception being Arie telling Lauren how he likes the shapes. When the return to land, they have a depressing conversation about how she is struggling with this process. Oh whatever. Arie thinks that she’s “in her head” but in the real world, we call this “having nothing in common”. If Lauren was bored on a Friday night, she would have swiped left on his ass.
We move on to their dinner that night and Arie puts on the full court press to ease Lauren’s mind and once again, tells her that he loves her. This secures a (perhaps too eager) acceptance along with a creepy montage set to an acoustic cover of the LeAnne Rimes song, “How do I live”. This was a seriously boring date and a seriously disturbing ending.
Becca Gets a Catamaran Ride!
Finally, ABC – we get a catamaran ride! Unfortunately for us, Arie ruins this date but telling us from the jump that he’s falling in love with Becca. They enjoy their ride and chat about – oh, nothing. I’m sure there was something important to recap for you, but my God, are these dates boring.
During the evening, Becca and Arie go to a hut to chat. It’s a lot of nature for my taste but it seems like Becca is digging it. At this point, it’s hard to listen to the conversation and not just wait for Arie tell her that he loves her. They basically talk about nothing until Arie tells her, yes, that he loves her. Is this the first time that someone has told all three contestants during the fantasy suite week that he or she loves them? Arie has now hit for the cycle and has gone Full Higgins. This will totally end well. Side note, their fantasy suite is actually a tent in the desert. Catamarans ain’t free I suppose. Oh, and we got another pile of clothes shot – thanks ABC, we all know what happens this week.
Ross Just Wants His Girl
We finally get to one of the scenes that ABC has been teasing for the better part of 2 months – an ex crashing to get “his girl” back. Ross is Becca’s ex and conveniently is mic’d up and goes straight to Arie’s room to confront him. Seems legit! The best part of their exchange was when Arie asked him how long he dated Becca (like he has a leg to stand on) -7 years vs his 7 weeks. After Ross leaves Arie’s room to find Becca, Arie mumbles to himself “fucking nerd”. LOL Ok, that was funny.
Ross arrives at Becca’s and what follows is perhaps the most romantic 10 minutes of this entire season. He pours his heart out to her and while we have no idea how legit any of this is, it lands much better than Arie’s go to “I love this”. Ross heads out after saying his peace but Becca is clearly shaken. Becca next goes to visit Arie and talk about what just happened. Enter some dramatic music and who knows how this is going to end.
The Rose Ceremony
Chris Harrison sits down with Arie to recap his week. Arie gives us some standard responses about getting to spend time with them and how much he likes each woman. What isn’t so standard is that in each of the women’s interviews, they talk about how Arie told them that he loves them. These gals may want to chat…
Before the roses can be handed out, Arie, in a rare moment of humanity, pulls Kendall aside to tell her that he doesn’t think they can “get there”. Kendall takes this incredibly well, all things considered. She tells him that she’s going to miss him but is thankful that he was in her life. Who’d have thought that “The Taxidermy Chick” would truly end up being “the Normal One”? And with that, we’re set for the finale next week. It’ll be Lauren and Becca and only one Neil Lane ring.
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