We’re getting down to the wire, Bachelorette Nation! We’re down to our final 6 men and we’re seeing folks definitely catching some feelings. Either that or these guys are super keen on growing their social media following – perhaps both? Anyhow, we finally leave the US for the Bahamas and while we get to some classic Bachelorette activities, I think it’s fair to say this was a bit of an odd week.
Colton’s Big Reveal
Matt: Colton got the first 1:1 of the week and things started out pretty down the middle. The couple went diving for conch off a catamaran – nice! But then they got coerced into eating the pistol, which if my high school biology isn’t failing me – they were eating some sort of mollusk wiener. A quick Google reveals that it’s also known as “sea Viagra”. WTF.
Ryan: And it’s a little strange that they didn’t make use of it, but “conch” sounds kind of like a slang term for the male anatomy, doesn’t it? You’d think they would have leaned on that double entendre a bit…
Matt: We were then off to dinner where Colton revealed that he was a virgin and Becca acted like he just told her that he liked BBQ-ing kittens.
Ryan: I just don’t know what to think about this life choice. You mean to tell me that a man with Colton’s jaw, who played D1 football, never once got sweaty under the sheets? And the discussion outside the show suggests that it wasn’t a religious choice, which makes it even stranger to me. At the same time, it would be an incredibly weird thing to lie about. Maybe he’s made it this far, and he’s telling Becca because he’s now saving himself for Tia? Whatever the motives behind it, this look from Becca tells us that her fantasy suite expectations dropped precipitously during that awkward dinner.
That is a look of incredulous disappointment if I’ve ever seen one.
Ryan: Oh yeah, Garrett had a date this week, didn’t he? Let’s just skip right over it, shall we?
Matt: This date was totally forgettable to me. There was a plane? He loves her? Whatever – this guy is definitely a front runner and I don’t have anything negative to say about him – it’s just – meh?
Ryan: He’s a human Golden Retriever.
Blake Let the Dogs Out
Matt: Blake gets the final 1:1 of the week and Becca brings him to a Baha Men concert where there are about 17 ABC employees trying to look like they are having a blast. I guess they have a new song? The awkward private concerts are a lot more fun when the act is someone you know, but haven’t thought about in at least 20 years (looking at you, Richard Marx). Super weird. Super fun.
Ryan: I’m pretty sure that The Baha Men have been on that stage playing “Who Let the Dog’s Out?” nonstop since about 2003. If you told me that 17 different Baha Men have died onstage, only to be immediately replaced by a new, different Baha Man, I’d believe you.
Matt: The evening is when things get a bit weird. Blake also seems like a front runner and really opens up on this date. We learn about his genuinely terrible story of his mom having an affair with his basketball coach and while something that heavy can derail the vibe, Becca appears to be all-in at this point. But yeah, woof to that story.
Ryan: Could make for an interesting hometown, I guess? But tough stuff.
The 3:1 We Saw a Mile Away
Ryan: There was no way Leo was making it out of this week. We knew it, Becca knew it, hell, even Leo seemed genuinely surprised that he had made it that far. He knew the score on night one when it was him in the middle of a “sea of state troopers” (his words). At least he got to stamp his passport before Becca sent him home.
Matt: I mean, when you turned on your TV this week, was there any way Leo, Wills and Jason weren’t going to be on a 3:1? I felt bad for Leo being shown the door with so little fanfare though – he was genuinely likable and one of the most self-aware contestants in recent memory. I hope we see more of him in future franchise entries.
We have our hometowns, and I think it’s fair to consider our final 4 a pretty “chalk” grouping. Off to meet some disapproving parents!
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