In case you were going down a Wikipedia wormhole about semi-rigid airships, ABC is hosting a weekly Bachelorette Fantasy League, where you can try to best your friends and neighbors each week by guessing which Eurosport the guys play while in Scandanavia. The Fantazie Suite has a group you can join here, and every week we’ll be helping you make your choices.
Welcome to a big week, Bachelorette Nation! Rachel’s dumped more than half of her suitors, and this week everybody gets to stamp their passport and start talking about true love as if they’ve talked to Rachel for more than two hours since they got to the mansion. Before we look at the bets, here are the episode descriptions (with a few obvious spoilers) from TV Guide:
Monday: Rachel and a handsome suitor embrace the oyster culture of Bluffton, S.C. After the rose ceremony, Rachel and the remaining bachelors head to Oslo, Norway, where she and one lucky guy rappel down a giant Olympic ski jump. Later, Rachel takes bitter rivals on the dreaded two-on-one date.
Tuesday: Rachel sends one man home from the two-on-one date. After the rose ceremony, Rachel and the remaining bachelors travel to Copenhagen, Denmark, where a group of guys take part in spirited Viking-style games. Later, Rachel takes one lucky suitor on a day trip to Sweden, before she and the men travel Geneva, Switzerland.
And because two nights of episodes means more bets than usual, let’s get into it:
Real bets provided by ABC:
In Monday’s episode, Rachel and a bachelor indulge in which aphrodisiac on their 1-on-1 date? Chocolate, Oysters, Strawberries, Figs
Analysis: Because of all of the Kenny/Lee drama, we didn’t get to see Jack Stone’s 1:1 date last week. But apparently, Bluffton, S.C. has a thriving oyster community. Who knew?
In this week’s episodes, which of the following Northern European countries do Rachel and the bachelors NOT visit? Denmark, Sweden, Norway, Finland
Analysis: The episode descriptions make this clear, but it should have been obvious that they aren’t going to Finland. Nick took his final three to Finland last year for Fantasy Suites, and ABC probably wouldn’t get the same incentives for showing off the charms of Lapland all over again. We would also guess that Rachel has very little interest in going above the Arctic Circle to revisit the place she got dumped, right?
In Monday’s episode, what popular European sport do Rachel and the men play on a group date? Handball, Football, Cricket, Rugby
Analysis: This one got spoiled in a Sneak Peak video over on the official website: it’s handball. We can’t wait. Handball is the Summer Olympics version of Curling: you’ll make fun of it when you first find it on some third-tier channel in the middle of the night, but by the medal round, you’ll be staying up late just to watch it and using handball-specific slang into your meetings at work. You’re going to love this date.
TRUE OR FALSE: Rachel takes a dip in a hot tub with a bachelor in BOTH Monday and Tuesday’s episodes.
Analysis: We know from the “This Season On…” trailer that Eric gets in a hot tub on Tuesday:
So the question then is: does Rachel also get into a hot tub on Monday? Rachel is a #RightReasons hardliner; She isn’t going to get into a hot tub with someone who hasn’t already proven himself. Eric already got a group date rose, so it’s okay to tub it up with him. Monday’s episode will have a 1:1 with Jack Stone (still unproven), a group date (no 1:1 time there), and the start of the 2:1 with Kenny and Lee (Rachel is NOT going to get in a hot tub during a 2:1. That’s sleazy). We just don’t see an opportunity.
In Tuesday’s episode, Rachel says she wants how many kids? 1, 2, 3, 4
Analysis: Rachel’s the middle daughter of 3, so that would be one way to go. But Rachel’s also older and a bit more career-minded, so a bigger family might be a stretch. The stereotypical answer to this question is usually 2, and The Bachelorette loves to deal in stereotypes.
Bet: 2, with a slight hedge on 3. Definitely not 4, though.
In Monday’s episode, which bachelor is the first to tell Rachel that he’s falling in love with her?
Analysis: Again, this happening on Monday narrows the field a bit. It probably won’t be Jack Stone during his 1:1, since we’ve barely heard him talk. Between Kenny and Lee, we’d guess Kenny, but we pointed out last week that there isn’t much chemistry between him and Rachel. The guys on the group date who have already gotten date roses are worth a look, so let’s go through them. Brian isn’t on the date. Dean’s got nothing to worry about after last week’s blimp ride, and Eric gets a fair amount of screen time on Tuesday’s episode. Anthony doesn’t seem like the type to go in early with the “L” word. Peter needs to be seen shoring up his relationship at this point in the season, but it still seems a little early to get that deep. So our money is landing on Josiah. He’s overconfident in the power of his words, and he seems like exactly the kind of guy to let his emotions get way out ahead of the actual relationship. Look for Josiah to make this confession and then be stunned when he doesn’t actually get the date rose.
Fake, But Fun, Bets:
Who is going home during the 2:1 date? Kenny, Lee, or Both
Analysis: It’s saddening and frustrating to pit these two guys against each other in a 2:1 this week. Rachel’s face told us pretty obviously that Lee got a producer’s rose last week, and for him to make it to a 2:1 means he gets another producer’s rose Monday before everybody packs off to Europe. He clearly doesn’t belong on this show, and it’s uncomfortable that ABC is leaning into his possible racism on the show when we’re being confronted by his actually racially insensitive self in real time.
Kenny, on the other hand, is a really funny, sweet guy. He’s got lots of charisma. But it’s only a matter of time before Rachel looks at him, lays down the truth that neither of them are feeling it, and sends him back home to be with his daughter. We know it, Kenny knows it, and Rachel knows it.
So what happens this week? Which sendoff is more overdue here? Well, judging by Rachel’s reaction to former Bachelor contestant Leah Block’s tweets last week, she’s sick of pretending that she’s interested in Lee. So let’s call it there. We can all stop writing think pieces about Lee after Tuesday. We hope.
Bet: Lee. Rachel isn’t so mean as to send them both home at once.
How does Kenny actually get injured? Fight with Lee, Cries so much he breaks skin, axe fight, Stigmata
Anaylsis: A lot of the promotion for this week (and this season, for that matter) has included this image:
But it’s exceedingly rare for there to be actual physical violence between contestants. This has to have been a bait and switch, right? We think that the 2:1 never gets physical, Lee goes home, and Kenny gets hit in the face with a stray halberd during Tuesday’s Viking-themed group date.
Bet: Axe fight. Sort of.
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