In case you’ve been desperately trying to come up with “racing” themed group dates, ABC is running a weekly Bachelor Fantasy League. Join us here every week as we try to guess what petty thing will eat up forty-five minutes of airtime during the cocktail party.
Wow, Bachelor Nation. It’s only week two, and we’re tired of how much ABC is leaning on Arie’s “career” as a racecar driver. A GIRL WAS MADE TO MAKE ARIE SMELL HER ARMPIT ON NATIONAL TELEVISION. Shame on the producer who came up with that one – Ali deserved better.
Let’s check in with the episode synopsis, courtesy of TV Guide:
Arie’s search for love gets off to a fast start with back-to-back one-on-one dates with Becca K. and Krystal. The Bachelor transports Becca K., via a slick motorcycle ride, to a breathtaking oceanside Malibu mansion, where celebrity fashion designer Rachel Zoe works her magic on Arie’s date. Krystal looks to a possible future with the Bachelor when she visits his hometown of Scottsdale, Ariz., and meets his family. But she is concealing a dark secret that might scare Arie away.
Real Bets Provided by ABC:
TRUE or FALSE: Arie introduces one of the bachelorettes to his parents during this episode.
Analysis: Krystal apparently has a deep, dark secret that Mr. and Mrs. Luyendyk get to learn this week. She’ll whisper it in that fake baby talk voice, and all will be quickly forgiven, we’re sure.
Bet: TRUE. We hope the revelation is that Krystal had no idea who Arie was before she stepped out of that limo.
How many women join Arie on the first group date? 5, 8, 10, 15
Analysis: Check out the preview video, or just talk a visually-aided walk with us here…
The video starts with four dark-haired women: Caroline (1), Tia (2), Bibiana (3), and Lauren G (4).
Then we cut to some of the indistinguishable blondes: Red Shirt (5), Pink Top (6), Green Top (7).
Now we get a long shot with Bekah (8), Valerie (9), Marikh (10), and Blonde in a Dark Grey Top (Chelsea?) (11).
Later we get shots of Blonde in a Lighter Grey Top (12)…
…and Crying Blonde (13).
To sum up:
-There are definitely more than ten women on that date.
-We spent way too much time counting them.
-While we can easily distinguish the brunettes, the blondes are interchangeable.
-Maybe we have a type.
Arie spoils one of the bachelorettes with a pair of heels from which designer? Manolo Blahnik, Jimmy Choo, Christian Louboutin, Prada
Analysis: The sponsor of the sneak peak videos this year is Olay, which is good because that means we don’t have to watch Josh Gad pretend he enjoys what his life has become. But they provided a video that includes this shot:
And if Sex and the City has taught us anything, it’s that we don’t understand the appeal of Sarah Jessica Parker. But again, we have a type. And if Sex and the City has taught us two things, it’s that red soles means Christian Louboutin shoes.
What causes one bachelorette to confront another bachelorette at the cocktail party? Who gets a rose, Interrupting one-on-one time, Duplicate dresses, Spilling a drink
Analysis: Let’s be honest, even if the women are arguing about whether or not we landed on the moon, this early in the season, it’s always about one-on-one time.
Bet: One-On-One time. There is no other option.
TRUE OR FALSE: A bachelorette takes a dip in a hot tub with Arie in this episode.
Analysis: Between the dueling one-on-one dates and the ginormous group date, there is a limited opportunity for anyone to show off their bikini body to Arie. We think this is getting put off at least another week.
Which bachelorette is wowed when she receives the first one-on-one date of the season?
Analysis: The magic of TV Guide tells us this one is Becca, so don’t overthink it.
Fake, but fun bets:
How many Laurens will make it through this week? 0, 1, 2, 3
Analysis: Someone at ABC found it absolutely hilarious to stack all 4 Laurens coming out of the same limo, but the humor was lost almost immediately when Arie sent Lauren J. home without even a single rose. And let’s be honest, if you put together a room of 29 women aged 23-33, are you trying to tell us you won’t have at least three women named Lauren? Nobody is as original with baby names as they think they are. If this show lasts another decade, we’re going to see a wave of girls named Bella whose moms read too much gittery vampire fiction.
Bet: All three make it through this week.
TRUE or FALSE: Does anyone at ABC know what a race car driver actually does?
Analysis: You see, in racing, the object is to drive fast, turn left, and not run into the other drivers. In a demolition derby, the only rule is that you have to be the last car physically able to drive. While that may bear a striking resemblance to finding love on a reality show, it has absolutely nothing to do with driving a car in circles.
Bet: FALSE. We’re just excited for the inevitable real estate-themed date, where they have to stage an open house. Who gets to pretend to bake cookies? Caroline would crush at that date!
- Catch up with our Week 1 Recap HERE
- Check out our “Right Reasons” t-shirt on Amazon HERE
- Be sure to join us for live BachChat and to follow along on Facebook and Twitter!