In case you’ve been busy checking Machu Picchu off of your bucket list, ABC is running a weekly Bachelor Fantasy League. Join us here every week as we try to guess what kind of breakfast Arie cooks up for a Fantasy Suite morning.
Our journey is almost at a close, Bachelor Nation. Last week Arie surprised us all when he sent Tia home in favor of Kendall, and we’re left with two obvious favorites who we know pretty much nothing about and a girl whose defining characteristic is that she stuffs dead animals for fun. What kind of episode does TV Guide say we have in store?
Arie takes his final three women—Becca K., Kendall and Lauren B.—to Peru for adventurous, romantic overnight dates. The dates are filled with passion and excitement as Arie explores what his future might be like with each of these potential mates. More torn than ever, Arie acknowledges that he has fallen in love with two incredible women and has professed his love to both. However, a blockbuster surprise threatens to derail Arie’s fairy tale ending.
Man, that sounds dramatic. ABC never overhypes things like the Most Dramatic Episode Ever, so this should be a big one, right?
Real Bets Provided by ABC:
Arie makes one of the bachelorettes _________ after their overnight date. Pancakes, Bacon, Eggs, French Toast
Analysis: We talked last week about baking that involved too many steps. For that reason, we don’t see pancakes making the cut. But on the other hand, bacon and eggs aren’t terribly impressive – they’re basically one ingredient. We think they’ll play up Arie’s European roots and have him make French Toast. It’s easy enough for a producer to prep the egg and vanilla mixture, and then all Arie has to do is dip the bread and put it on a skillet.
Bet: French Toast
TRUE or FALSE: A bachelorette admits she is not ready to say yes to a proposal in her confessional.
Analysis: Not only did Kendall pretty much say exactly this last week, her family also flat out told Arie that she wasn’t likely to agree to a proposal. We don’t think another week is going to change her opinion all that much. Not that Arie’s decision will rest on whether Kendall’s ready for a proposal – this will be her last week regardless (see below).
Which of following is an activity Arie and a bachelorette do on their overnight date? Jet Skiing, Dune Buggy ride, Ice skating, Horseback ride
Analysis: We already saw a jet ski in Fort Lauderdale and a horseback ride in Virginia Beach last week. But they gave this one away in promos as far back as week one:
Arie and Kendall take a buggy out to surf down sand dunes. That is such a Kendall date.
Bet: Dune Buggy ride
How many women does Arie say “I love you” to in Peru? 3, 2, 1, 0
Analysis: We saw this coming. Arie told four different families that he was falling for their daughters – of course he’s going to tell more than one woman that he loves her. But how many? Check out this video:
Lauren – check.
Becca – check, with subtitles if you weren’t listening
Kendall – Oooooooohhhh, just a little bit short. It’s so strange that “I’m falling for you” can be a devastating thing to hear, but up against Arie’s other two relationships, he may as well have shown her to the limo right then.
TRUE or FALSE: An invitation for a night in the fantasy suite is declined by a bachelorette.
Analysis: Arie has been angling for the Fantasy Suites since before anyone stepped out of a limo on night 1. There is no way one of his top three is going to let him down.
After their overnight date in Peru, Arie and ________ are wowed by an unexpected visitor.
Analysis: We were convinced that the “I want my girl” guy, with his deep Southern accent, was someone from Tia’s past. But we were also sure that Tia was making it to Peru. So with her out of the running, who is this dude?
Well in case you didn’t quite pick up on her family’s skepticism, Lauren has expressed deep emotion before. She talked about her previous engagement, but did you know that Lauren has actually been engaged twice?
We’ve only heard about the one engagement so far, to an NHL player. Maybe this is where the second guy comes into play.
Fake, But Fun Bets:
How many segments of the “Women Tell All” episode will focus on Krystal? 1, 2, 3, 4
Analysis: Every WTA episode drags the biggest controversy of the season into the spotlight and dissects that plot point with excruciating detail. Krystal’s plot arc will be the feature act on Sunday night, to no one’s surprise. We see this playing out across three segments (and two commercial breaks): first we’ll see all of the drama we’ve already seen during earlier episodes, then the girls will line up to tell her what a bad person she is, and lastly Arie will sit down with her and they’ll give her something resembling redemption. It will feel like an eternity.
Bet: 3 They will also have to spend a segment talking about “Glam Shaming” as if it’s a real thing.
Which of the women will have the best “morning after” segment?
Analysis: One of our favorite Fantasy Suite Week moments is the morning after. We get to see the post-coital wear each woman packed in anticipation of this morning, we get to imagine what the Bachelor’s life will be like during the six to nine months he’ll continue to date the eventual winner, and we just might get a moment of sublimity. Remember when Raven got to star in her own personal music video after a “satisfying” night with Nick? Man, that was the best.
That got us thinking: what kind of music would you want to underscore your moment of televised post-nookie bliss? We suggest the following:
Becca – “The Minnesota Polka”
Kendall – “Creep”
Lauren – “The Sound of Silence”
Bet: Becca wins that one. Who doesn’t love a good polka?
TRUE or FALSE: Tia’s dad is furiously trying to find Arie “…on Google.”
Analysis: Luyendyk is tough to spell, he should just rely on AutoComplete.
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