Welcome back, Bachelor Nation! We’re in the heart of the season, which means it’s time to transition from silly to serious, but we’re still left with some women who have absolutely zero chance. What does that mean? It’s time for “Hail Mary’s” and final attempts at Instagram followers and/or a spot on “Paradise.” Week 5 got us warmed up for some drama but the previews for this week make Week 6 look like the “Right Reasons” episode that we all have come to expect and dread.
Week 5 Observations
Heather has been kissed, everyone! We can all stop staring at Colton’s mouth now, right? Right? Can you imagine the fantasy suite episode spending minutes at a time lingering on everybody’s crotches? So gross. Stop it, ABC.
Why exactly did Elyse decide she had to go home? Was that a desperate play for her to get Colton to somehow beg her to stay? Elyse basically went to Colton’s hotel room and told Colton that she couldn’t actually fall in love with him under these ridiculous circumstances… that she definitely signed up for. And lo and behold, it didn’t work. Elyse showed herself the door, looking back over her shoulder the whole time for reassurance that never came.
Be honest, who didn’t love Demi’s take during the survival date, and props to the producer who let her team head back to the hotel for drinks and hamburgers. Those other girls can all suck maggots indeed. She’s climbing the ranks of all-timers. Does anyone actually think that eating bugs will make you more likely to be Colton’s “person”?
Onyeka going after Nicole just seemed like the last desperate ploy to be relevant when she clearly has no chemistry with the Bachelor. Maybe if she creates some BS drama, she’ll get a spot in Paradise? It’ll definitely work, but it was pretty low to see her invoke a conversation she had with the conveniently absent Elyse to call Nicole’s motives into question. Good on Tayshia for standing up for Nicole.
Week 6 Bets
Goes on a Group Date – See below, basically everyone not named Hannah G is our guess. Unsure on the 2nd 1:1 as limited clues on the typically lazy ABC social media handles.
Receives a One-on-One Date Card – TV Guide tells us that there is a spa date that “reignites their passion”. This tells me that it’s someone who was strong early on but trailed off – perhaps Hannah G who has cooled off a bit after that “First Impression Rose”?
Cries (Tears on Her Face) – Based on the preview – uh, all of them. Except Demi – she’s a stone-cold killer and we love it.
Kisses Colton (On the Lips) – I mean, we’re at the part of the season where if you’re not kissing the Bachelor, you’re likely going home. All of them.
Says “Falling in Love,” “Connection,” or “Relationship” – Again, all of them if they want to stick around.
Says “Vietnam” – Per the agreement with the board of tourism, all of them at least twice while smiling and talking about how magical it is.
Receives a Rose – Easier to talk about who likely doesn’t get a rose. Onyeka is creating a lot of issues for someone who Colton appears to have no connection to – I could see her departing. Sydney seems nice but just isn’t progressing. I’d also lump Katie, Kirpa and Nicole in the “probably going home in the next 2 weeks” bucket. Choose these women at your own risk.
Tells Colton Some Women “Aren’t Ready,” or Are “Safe” or “Easier” Choices – This conversation is a precursor to being sent home – Onyeka is a good choice here since she’s already started talking about other women. I’d also peg Demi here as a response to inevitably being the target of a “right reasons” accusation.
Things We Wish We Could Bet On
Is this the week Colton finally jumps a fence and runs away? We got teased with this in the premiere and every time he looks frustrated we ask ourselves if this is the moment we’ve been waiting for? I can’t imagine him taking off at the end with women he presumably likes but getting frustrated by someone trying to get cast on “Bachelor in Paradise”? I think this is a “yes”.
- Catch up with our Week 5 preview HERE
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