Welcome back, Bachelor Nation! Well, we’re entering the final leg of Colton’s journey to find love / a girlfriend for the summer. We’re down to the final 4; the women who will bring Colton home to disappointed families and try to explain why this is a a totally normal way to find your soulmate. It should be a good one, let’s jump right in!
Last Week Reflections
Heather set the record for the most women to dump the Bachelor during his own season. It was surprisingly abrupt – as if she just sobered up and realized she was on “The Bachelor” and had to leave immediately. What is it about this guy that even Heather, who dated a man for eight months without ever kissing him once, doesn’t want to remain in his presence? Damn.
Can we discuss the major drama from last week? We absolutely believe that Caelynn and Cassie would talk to each other about a future for themselves without Colton in it. But is that as bad as it sounds coming out of Kirpa’s mouth? It would only be natural – there’s only one girl in that pack of thirty who “wins” and gets to date the lead for six months. It’s probably pretty easy to imagine other scenarios for yourself. And if you’re sitting around with nothing to do all day, cut off from the outside world, you’re eventually going to come around to the subject, aren’t you? So yeah, Caelynn and Cassie have definitely talked about being the Bachelorette.
If you’re Tayshia and Kirpa, you’re definitely going to try to drive a wedge between Colton and the blondes. It’s not like you’re sticking around very long unless something drastic happens at this point. Come on, we barely saw Kirpa talk in the first five episodes! How did she even make it this far? So I guess the question is (as usual) why did this get treated like the biggest, most shocking betrayal we could ever imagine?
On Colton though, has he ever been more likable? “This is where the magic doesn’t happen” during his bedroom tour with Tayshia was the highlight of the night. However, Sniper is sort of a weird name for his dog, no?
Week 8 Bets
- Receives a Rose
- Cries (Tears on Her Face)
- Kisses Colton (On the Lips)
- Says “Falling (so) in Love”
- Says “Fantasy Suite(s)”
- Gets In an Airplane
- Brings Flowers or a Wrapped Gift to her Family
- Her (Step)Father Never Gives Colton His Blessing
At this point in the season, most of the women are going to hit most of these marks. If you’re not shown kissing Colton during hometowns week, I think you’re legally required to quit. Ditto, falling in love, explicitly mentioning Fantasy Suites, and bringing flowers to the family. One of the girls (Tayshia) takes him skydiving (see below), and it looks like she also maybe doesn’t have a terribly receptive family so she hits on a few of the more unique bets that the other women may not get points for.
Things We Wish We Could Bet On
Which family has the obviously weird family member? We don’t see any obvious throwbacks to Des’ brother or JoJo’s mom in the promo, but we want to know what’s going on with Caelynn’s family:
Her… sister? …looks like maybe she is ready for her own closeup, no? And what’s up with pink shirt guy’s hair? Is he with the sister? Because if so, he really must have been an impressive QB in high school and locked it down quick. If they turn out to be uncle and niece or something, We sincerely apologize.
Whose dad is the most disapproving? All of the dads are always disapproving, but we do always enjoy watching how little they want to be on camera. Looks like Tayshia might take this.
Did we as a Bachelor Nation just dream up the fence jump? The Mandela effect is in full effect with Bachelor Nation. It’s never happening.
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